There are so many Moffat quotes floating around Tumblr that the new parody blog Moffat Says managed to slip in under the radar. Every quote on Moffat Says is utterly fake, but much like with articles from the Onion, a small proportion of readers are quick to fall for the joke and believe the content is true.
Just take a look at these Moffat soundbites. Which are from real publicity interviews, and which are Tumblr satire?
On the casting of Karen Gillen as Amy Pond in Doctor Who:
"I thought, ‘Well, she’s really good. It’s just a shame she’s so wee and dumpy.’ … When she was about to come through to the auditions I nipped out for a minute and I saw Karen walking on the corridor towards me and I realised she was 5’11, slim and gorgeous, and I thought, ‘Oh, oh, that’ll probably work.’”
“The world is vastly counted in favour of men at every level—except if you live in a civilised country and you’re sort of educated and middle-class, because then you’re almost certainly junior in your relationship and in a state of permanent, crippled apology. Your preferences are routinely mocked. There’s a huge, unfortunate lack of respect for anything male.”
On the difficulties of writing female characters:
“There’s this issue you’re not allowed to discuss: that women are needy. Men can go for longer, more happily, without women. That’s the truth. We don’t, as little boys, play at being married—we try to avoid it for as long as possible. Meanwhile women are out there hunting for husbands.”
Actually, that one was a trick question. All four of those are genuine Moffat. The real deal. [READ MORE]
“Let me make something clear right up front: you have no real idea what it’s like to be discriminated against on the basis of race. Neither do I. You know why? Because we’re white. We’re white people in America, and that means almost every aspect of the country we live in is geared toward us: 99% of books, television, film, magazines, and even porn is made for us and represents us. Maybe you read (though for some reason I deeply doubt it) my article on the absurdity of #WhiteGirlsRock. It’s absurd because white people don’t need an extra reminder of their value…because it’s reaffirmed for them (for us) every single day by the people we see in the media, by the people that run this country, and yes, even by the people that act as our educators. American education has long been under fire by people who use their brains over the continued teaching that Christopher Columbus was a great dude and a hero and someone we should all celebrate year after year. But you probably still think that, don’t you?”—Olivia Cole “Open Letter To The Three White Students That Files A Discrimination Complaint Against Their Black Teacher” (via newwavefeminism)
“He was fighting against some great injustice, and I would make the argument that we have a great injustice going on right now in this country with an ever-increasing size of government that is taking over and controlling people’s lives — and Obamacare is front and center in that.”—
I’m not thrilled when someone calls a trans woman a “tranny.” Nor am I thrilled that this term, which has been thrown at me on several occasions, is legitimized in the public eye through use by drag queens and cisgender gay men (which most drag queens are).
I am seriously, so fucking seriously over white dudes, famous or not, appropriating/mocking/criticizing rap and hip-hop with absolutely no context or care for the genre and the people in it. Jimmy Kimmel can also step on Legos forever for his casually racist bullshit.
I really need BC to not do any press for a while because he continues to be a shitty person every time he opens his mouth, and I’m tired of being so unsurprised that he continues to be a middle-class, straight white guy in all the worst ways.
We get this one role. So we’d better hope it’s a good one. Because –
They could make 10 shitty Batman movies, and we’ll always see more Batman movies.
But if Wonder Woman isn’t top of the pops for every second she’s on-screen in Snyder’s film, they’ll burn the character down and salt the earth and the topic won’t come up again for another 30 goddamn years. Wonder Woman will be poison on the lips.
And that’s the danger of putting Wonder Woman in Batman Versus Superman.
Dear revisionists, Mandela will never, ever be your minstrel. Over the next few days you will try so, so hard to make him something he was not, and you will fail. You will try to smooth him, to sandblast him, to take away his Malcolm X. You will try to hide his anger from view. Right now, you are anxiously pacing the corridors of your condos and country estates, looking for the right words, the right tributes, the right-wing tributes. You will say that Mandela was not about race. You will say that Mandela was not about politics. You will say that Mandela was about nothing but one love, you will try to reduce him to a lilting reggae tune. “Let’s get together, and feel alright.” Yes, you will do that.
You will make out that apartheid was just some sort of evil mystical space disease that suddenly fell from the heavens and settled on all of us, had us all, black or white, in its thrall, until Mandela appeared from the ether to redeem us. You will try to make Mandela a Magic Negro and you will fail. You will say that Mandela stood above all for forgiveness whilst scuttling swiftly over the details of the perversity that he had the grace to forgive.
You will try to make out that apartheid was some horrid spontaneous historical aberration, and not the logical culmination of centuries of imperial arrogance. Yes, you will try that too. You will imply or audaciously state that its evils ended the day Mandela stepped out of jail. You will fold your hands and say the blacks have no-one to blame now but themselves.
Well, try hard as you like, and you’ll fail. Because Mandela was about politics and he was about race and he was about freedom and he was even about force, and he did what he felt he had to do and given the current economic inequality in South Africa he might even have died thinking he didn’t do nearly enough of it. And perhaps the greatest tragedy of Mandela’s life isn’t that he spent almost thirty years jailed by well-heeled racists who tried to shatter millions of spirits through breaking his soul, but that there weren’t or aren’t nearly enough people like him.
Because that’s South Africa now, a country long ago plunged headfirst so deep into the sewage of racial hatred that, for all Mandela’s efforts, it is still retching by the side of the swamp. Just imagine if Cape Town were London. Imagine seeing two million white people living in shacks and mud huts along the M25 as you make your way into the city, where most of the biggest houses and biggest jobs are occupied by a small, affluent to wealthy group of black people. There are no words for the resentment that would still simmer there.
Nelson Mandela was not a god, floating elegantly above us and saving us. He was utterly, thoroughly human, and he did all he did in spite of people like you. There is no need to name you because you know who you are, we know who you are, and you know we know that too. You didn’t break him in life, and you won’t shape him in death. You will try, wherever you are, and you will fail.
Musa Okongwa just delivered the best piece on Mandela I have read. Succinct and to the point. I thank him for his brilliance. These are the voices we need to hear.
How do I even begin to explain how devastating the loss of Nelson Mandela is, not only to South Africans, but to humanity? I am still struggling to arrange my thoughts, still shaking with tears.
In the days to come, people will speak of Madiba’s kindness, courage, strength, his boundless love, and wicked sense of humor. They will start to sound like cliches. In fact, those words already feel inadequate because Madiba was an impossible man.
Impossible in the sense that no one should have gone through what he went through and come out the end as the beacon of hope and goodness he was. Madiba was a born a prince. He grew into a handsome, virile, strong young lawyer who loved, perhaps with too much voracity. He was a boxer and a natural leader. Then he went to prison. He spent 27 years in a cell so small, I could hold my short arms out and was almost able to touch the walls. He was forced to endure hard physical labor in limestone quarries: work that permanently damaged his eyes and lungs. He was subjected to psychological torture. Guards would lock him in a room with a bed and refuse to allow him to sleep in it. They censored and withheld letters from his wife and children. He was told, every day that his life was worthless, that he was utterly unloved.
Most men would crumble under such abject inhumanity. Most men would slink out of prison, broken and defeated. Not our tata. Not Madiba. Madiba walked out of prison beaming. He walked out defiantly happy and turned to those who would have him be otherwise and forgave them. Let me make this clear: South Africa was on the brink of what could have been a devastating civil war. Many people helped to prevent this from happening, but it was Madiba’s simple act of forgiveness that lead the way and stopped the bloodshed in its tracks. And yet Madiba’s act was not so simple when you consider that many have suffered less than him and were unable of finding the courage to put personal pain aside in favor of doing what is right. Madiba had true vision for his country, and more importantly, was more interested in executing that vision than personal gain. It is because of President Mandela’s leadership that South Africa did not become another Congo or Rwanda or Uganda. It is because of him that my family and I are able to go back and feel safe and welcomed in our home.
I and other South Africans refer to President Mandela as “tata Madiba.” Tata means father in Xhosa. I, and millions of others, feel as if we have just lost our father. Never has a leader deserved such an endearment more. The world lost a great soul today, but South Africa lost our father.
My religious beliefs are such that my views on the afterlife are foggy. But if anyone deserves to go to a heaven it’s Nelson Mandela. Madiba is free of a body that was causing him nothing but pain. If there is a heaven, he’s there with Stephen Biko, Oliver Tambo, Walter Sisulu, Hector Pieterson, Miriam Makeba. He’s there with his great granddaughter, Zenani. He is free.
“Stonewall was colored folks, poor folks, transsexuals, femmes, butches… a little bit of everybody. But the narrative that gets sold to people is that it was all these “A-Gay” white normative people. That’s not who riots. Sorry.”—Juba Kalamka in this interview (via navigatethestream)
“Dear Michelle Cottle, are you serious? You and your handful of ‘feminist sources’ claim that First Lady Obama is not a feminist because she says her most important job is being mom-in-chief to her two daughters…Given how simplistic your piece is, let me make this very simple: you are wrong. You misunderstand the place that Michelle Obama occupies as the first African American First Lady.
You seem to think she’s trying to steer clear of the angry black woman stereotype. When she calls herself ‘mom-in-chief,’ she’s rejecting a different stereotype: the role of Mammy. She is saying that her daughters — her vulnerable, brilliant, beautiful black daughters — are the most important thing to her. The First Lady is saying, ‘You, Miss Anne, are going to have to clean your own house because I will be caring for my own’ and instead of agreeing that the public sphere is necessarily more important than Sasha and Malia, she has buried Mammy and has embraced being a mom on her own terms. So you can call that your feminist nightmare, but for a lot of us, it is our black motherhood dream.
Also, on a strategic note, Ms. Cottle. Before we enter the 2016 election cycle and the feminists come around asking black women for our support for your candidate, you might want to read up a little on black women and our feminism. I’m happy to send you a syllabus.”